


In Meditation and Memory

by LazarusII



Series: Star Wars One-Shots (Basically a Collection of Obi-Wan & Ahsoka Fics ) [9]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Learns to be Less Scared of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker is a Good Master, Family Feels, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Grand Master & Grand Padawan Bonding, Jedi, Jedi June, Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, Memories, Mentioned Qui-Gon Jinn, Young Padawan Ahsoka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:28:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24862309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazarusII/pseuds/LazarusII
Summary: One month into her apprenticeship, Ahsoka has her first group meditation with her Masters. And it’s simple, she’sterrified.How could she not be? It’s only the ‘Hero Without Fear’ and the ‘Negotiator.’[In short, Ahsoka learns that she is truly a part of her new Jedi family.]
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Series: Star Wars One-Shots (Basically a Collection of Obi-Wan & Ahsoka Fics ) [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1703224
Comments: 14
Kudos: 279





	In Meditation and Memory

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is for June 21st’s prompt of [Jedi June](https://jedijune.tumblr.com/)! The theme is “Meditation!”
> 
> I know, I know. It’s _another_ ‘Ahsoka learns (so and so)’ with Obi-Wan and Anakin. But, truth be told, I get a kick out of writing these! I feel like a lot of potential character development wasn’t included in the show between these three (but rather implied). I promise that I’ll start switching these up! There were a few of them in a row following a similar theme. 
> 
> I wrote this during breakfast on Jun 16th… and originally for the 14th’s prompt: the Force. (Only later did I realize that there was _already_ a prompt for “meditation” and this fic would be more suitable for it) 
> 
> Literally came so close to making this a fluff piece about the trio having a Jedi family dinner or something. Got a mental image of a sleepy Anakin getting teased by the early-bird half of his lineage over morning oatmeal. (Who knows, that fic might actually happen?)
> 
> This was written while listening to [Smooth Ambient Mix](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9ruwUwxe6Y) by Music Lab. (I _was_ listening to my writing playlist before then, but stopped out of spite when it WOULD NOT STOP PLAYING SAD MUSIC FROM AVENGERS ENDGAME--gAH)
> 
> Anyways, hope you all enjoy!

Ahsoka was nervous, her heart beating a steady rhythm against her ribs. Swimming in her Jedi cloak, she slowly shifted her weight from foot to foot, eyes gazing at the exit to their quarters. 

Though it wasn’t exactly cold in the Temple, somehow wearing the extra fabric made her feel secure, as if someone was hugging her. The downside was just how baggy the thing was, the sleeves hanging inches past her fingertips and the hem nearly dragging on the ground. 

Behind her, in the other half of their room suite, she could hear Anakin hastily getting ready. He’d just come back from a mission and insisted on a quick shower before seeing Master Kenobi. She’d seconded the initiative, after all, he’d been covered almost head to toe in machine oil… 

Letting out a breath, Ahsoka struggled to push aside the anxiety which bubbled in the pit of her stomach. 

For better or worse, today was the day. 

One month ago, she’d been brought into this lineage. 

Ahsoka could picture it in detail, the last minutes of her official youngling days. She’d been riding on that cold shuttle, the loud thrum of the anti-aircraft fire echoing through the cabin, the flak bursting in the air around them as they sped towards the Christophsis front. 

She’d been terrified and exhilarated. Older Jedi students had told her that it was the ‘senior’ youngling mentality--that constant state of nervous anticipation and fear at the prospect of becoming an apprentice. The meaning hadn’t truly sunk in until that moment… 

And, of all people in the galaxy to be assigned to… The Chosen One. 

_ One month ago.  _

It felt only like days had passed since then. 

Or maybe she’d just wake up from whatever dream this was and find herself back in class with the rest of the younglings. 

Everything had happened  _ so  _ quickly. 

One moment, she’d been fast asleep, tired from the day’s combat training--and the next, she’d been woken up by Master Plo with an urgent message from the Jedi Council. 

The  _ Jedi Council _ . 

A mission for  _ her _ . 

All senior trainees could apply for that more indirect form of selection, so, of course, she’d been expecting an assignment for some time… But nothing like  _ that _ . In spite of the war, most Masters preferred to meet their apprentices first. And even then, they hardly ever took the new Padawans into combat for quite some time. 

To be sent right out onto a battlefield was  _ rare _ .

One of the most entertaining, unintentional results of her apprenticeship to Anakin was the stories that she could tell the other Padawans. Now  _ that  _ was a lot of fun. Even now, she quite enjoyed watching their jaws hit the floor when she retold the battle of Christophsis.

Leaning her head back, Ahsoka closed her eyes, focusing on her breathing. 

_ You’ve got this _ , she told herself.  _ Just stay calm.  _

The sound of soft footsteps met her ears. Anakin was ready, dressed in his usual, dark tunic and boots. Naturally, because they were in the Temple, he hadn’t bothered to don his light armor. His lightsaber hung at his hip, shining slightly in the warm overhead lighting of their quarters. 

He smiled, mouth quirking upwards. 

“You ready, Snips?” 

Swallowing, she tried to keep the nervousness out of her voice. “Yes, Master.”

_ Kriff.  _ Her voice sounded weak. 

Still standing there, Anakin tilted his head slightly. In the Force, Ahsoka felt a flash of understanding echo through their bond as he finally realized what had been eating at her nerves. 

“There’s nothing to be worried about, Ahsoka,” he said kindly. “It’s just Obi-Wan.” 

_ Just Obi-Wan _ . 

Ahsoka’s stomach tightened. 

_ Just Master Kenobi of the High Council.  _

“I’ll do my best, Master.” She blurted out. 

Anakin looked at her quizzically, the warmth still in his face momentarily overshadowed by confusion. Then his expression cleared. Ahsoka felt his presence gently brush against her own. 

Sighing, he moved closer to her and laid a hand on her shoulder. 

“Ahsoka, Obi-Wan is like a brother to me, so I may not be able to fully understand how you feel, but…” 

His voice trailed off and, briefly, he seemed to fumble for words. 

“I do know that he has a reputation. And that can lead people to assume things about him.” 

Ahsoka looked down at her boots, nodding. Her Master had managed to point out  _ exactly  _ what she was worried about. 

For years, she and her fellow younglings had grown up saying things like “but what would Master so-and-so do?” Or, “this Master wouldn’t do that.” Every time, it had been a Council Member. And that meant that Obi-Wan Kenobi, now her  _ Grandmaster _ , hadn’t been an exception. 

And working indirectly with Master Kenobi since her apprenticeship had done little to change that image of the reserved, perfect Jedi. 

Anakin ducked his head, drawing her attention back to him. He laughed softly to himself. 

“Trust me, he may seem a bit cold and to be this picture-perfect Jedi--But I’m here to tell you that the Obi-Wan that I know, isn’t. Hell, he’d tell you that himself.” 

Ahsoka nodded, reluctant to accept this new knowledge. While a part of her knew what Anakin was saying, she also felt that he could just as easily be acting out of pure sympathy. 

  
  


“Also, Snips… Please just be yourself?” 

Ahsoka looked up at him. 

“I know this might be a bit hard for you to believe at this point in time, but Obi-Wan  _ will  _ understand you. He might seem all intimidating and straight-faced--that’s not who he is. And if he ever gets irritated at you--”

Anakin snorted and made a face, “just remember who his Padawan was.” 

At that, Ahsoka had to crack a smile. 

It certainly hadn’t taken her long to realize that Anakin was one of the  _ least  _ conventional Jedi in the entire Order, a stark contrast with his Master which she still found somewhat hilarious. 

As she looked up at him, her gaze ran over the chronometer on the far wall. Her eyes widened. 

“Master. I think we need to--”

He yelped, spinning to take a look for himself. “You’re right. Kriff--I was hoping to be early--”

Ahsoka felt a twinge of guilt and Anakin froze, shooting her a look. 

“It’s not your fault for us being late.” He said before grinning. “C’mon Snips. We’d better get moving.” 

They made a beeline for the Masters’ suites. 

* * *

Ahsoka sat rigidly on the meditation pad, painfully aware of the Jedi sitting across from her. To her right, she watched Anakin’s deceptively calm expression clash with his own nervousness. He was nervous for  _ her _ , Ahsoka realized. 

On her left, Master Kenobi slowly lowered himself onto his meditation pad. Pulling his Jedi cloak tighter about himself. 

  
  


Anxiety crawling its way into her throat, Ahsoka looked around desperately for some kind of distraction. Her eyes searched the walls, and when she found that unsatisfactory, allowed her gaze to flit across the rather spacious quarters. 

This was the first occasion that she’d ever been in her Grandmaster’s room. It was simply decorated, with precious few adornments on the walls and tables--just enough to take the edge off. 

She respected Master Kenobi’s choice to keep his space clean, but found it almost comical how much he and Anakin contrasted in that certain matter. A mental image depicting the piles of laundry, droid parts, and other odd items came to her mind; she resisted the urge to wince. It was her struggle now. 

“Ahsoka?” Anakin’s voice cut in on her thoughts, “you okay?”

Ahsoka felt her heart leap into her throat. “Yes, Master.” She replied hurriedly, “I…” 

Master Kenobi was looking at her, a smile on his face. He had a kind smile, one that reached up to his eyes. Everything about him told Ahsoka that it was okay--that there was nothing to fear… 

Her internal screaming went down by a fraction. 

  
  


Breathing out softly, struggling to hold a calm exterior, Ahsoka watched her Grandmaster close his eyes. On her other side, Anakin did the same. 

Heart pounding, Ahsoka slowly allowed herself to fall back into the Force. 

It was strange, meditating as a group. Despite her anxiety about the situation, Ahsoka found herself quickly acclimating to the warm presence of Master Kenobi. 

He was like a small sun in the Force, radiant and yet reserved, without the ‘harshness’ that accompanied other Masters she’d encountered.

Nearby, she could feel Anakin, his small storm in the Force still speaking distinctly against her balanced Grandmaster. Gradually, he balanced as well, slipping down into what felt like a spiderweb of pure light below. 

Ahsoka could feel everything, her awareness expanding, the depth of meditation tempting her mental shields lower and lower. 

A single image seemed to whisper at the very edge of her thoughts and Ahsoka felt drawn towards it. Without meaning to, she felt her mind wander from within the safety of its protective layers, walking across the light until… 

Ahsoka saw darkness at first. Out of habit, she braced herself for some kind of threat--

It was a summer night, the sky a dazzling array of stars. To her right, through the trees, two moons glowed against some low-bearing mountains. Against her skin, the wind was cool, but pleasantly so. 

Ahsoka directed her gaze forward to where a fire burned merrily, contained perfectly by a neat ring of stones. 

It was so peaceful that it almost  _ hurt _ . The silence, the warmth in the Force, the soft song of life from all around, the crackle of the fire--it was beautiful. 

Something moved next to her and she resisted the urge to jump--even in what she knew was a part of her meditation. 

It was someone different… 

The man’s hair was long, partly pulled back into a ponytail with the rest spilling down his shoulders; while he was leaned back and looking up at the stars, Ahsoka knew that he was  _ tall _ . At his belt hung a lightsaber which reflected the soft, orange glow of the fire. His cream-colored robes were relatively fresh, but bore several grass and mud stains--as was typical on a mission. 

Across from the Jedi was another. And when Ahsoka recognized who it was, she immediately backtracked, hurriedly trying to exit what she now realized had to be a memory. 

A sudden thought struck her, a deep-seeded feeling that she had walked in on something private. Unsure what to do, she shifted from foot to foot, retreating away from the fire. 

This was not hers to see, to witness--

“It’s alright, young one.” A hand gently took hold of her shoulder. 

Heart racing, Ahsoka looked up to see Master Kenobi standing beside her.

Frozen to the spot, she closed her eyes. “I’m sorry Master, I didn’t mean to pry.” 

_ How could you be so careless, Tano?  _ She raged at herself.  _ Wandering into someone else’s mind? Their thoughts? And without asking-- _

Master Kenobi smiled again. Moving forward, he folded his hands behind his back, eyes directed up to the sky. 

“I often find myself coming back to this memory,” he mused.

Ahsoka watched him, curiosity making its way into her mind. 

“Master Qui-Gon and I were here to negotiate peace between two villages. We had originally planned on staying here for five days, but after fulfilling our mission in three, my Master allowed us to stay an extra day.” He continued, sighing softly. 

Ahsoka looked up in awe. Slowly, her anxiety faded. 

Master Qui-Gon Jinn.  _ Of course _ .

A stab of sadness hit her. Master Kenobi had lost his Master on Naboo, years ago. And to the Sith… That was in all of their classes now, a history lesson tied to the beginning of the Clone Wars. 

For herself and her generation, it was just reading--text and holos. But for her Grandmaster, for Anakin, it had been  _ real _ . 

“I’m sorry, Master.” She said softly, unsure what else to say. 

Master Kenobi was silent for a moment. Ahsoka could feel his sadness in the Force, but a sense of acceptance as well. Like the world around them--the memory--the emotions that she felt from him and the way that he dealt with his pain had a certain beauty to it as well. He wasn’t pushing away the feelings, but accepting them… 

“That’s why we have memories like these.” He said, still looking upwards. “They allow us to cherish what has been lost. I have many memories of my Master, but I always come back to this one.” 

He turned back towards Ahsoka before moving his gaze to the fire. “I had several… difficult periods in my apprenticeship, one of which nearly destroyed my chance of ever becoming a Jedi.” 

Ahsoka stared at him, her mind struggling to comprehend that he was talking to her about something like…  _ this.  _

He chuckled to himself and shook his head, “Ahsoka, I’m far from a perfect Jedi, the same as every single one of us. This memory is what reminds me that I have the power to move on… That I have the power over my own actions.” 

Master Kenobi sat down next to the still form of Master Qui-Gon. As though in a trance, Ahsoka moved back towards the fire. She lowered herself to the ground. 

“My Master and I could barely speak for months before this moment in time. I’ll admit that our silence was a bit foolish,” he sighed, “but in the Force, the pain was still there. Our bond was gone, Ahsoka, and in many respects I was only a young boy following his Master because there was nowhere else to go.”

Ahsoka’s curiosity was still growing, overcoming her nerves. 

What had happened? What had driven Master Kenobi--Master Obi-Wan Kenobi of the High Council--so far from his Master? 

These were the stories that other younglings and Padawans could only gossip and pray for, stories that were never shared outside lineage. They were what made Jedi understand one another, connecting experiences with thought and mind. 

Ahsoka felt her throat constrict as she realized that Master Kenobi  _ trusted  _ her. 

Why else would he tell her a story like this? Why would he show her such a vulnerable, cherished moment in his life? 

Her Grandmaster’s presence was calm, soothing. 

Ahsoka finally released her tension into the Force. She allowed herself to comfortably rest outside of her own self, riding the waves of light. Without fully realizing it, Ahsoka found herself existing in the perfect balance between memory and present. 

It was surreal to reach this kind of balance. She’d never found it before… Not like this… 

“This mission was the first time that I felt our bond return. We felt like a team again, like a Master and Apprentice.”

Ahsoka let his words sink in for a moment. She opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a gentle surge in the Force. 

_ Anakin.  _

Obi-Wan laughed, a true laugh this time. “Ah, my apologies, young one, I am keeping you here.” 

Slightly stunned, Ahsoka shook herself. “No-no, Master, thank you… for telling me.” 

Rising, her Grandmaster dusted himself off. She followed suit, looking around at the campsite one last time. The Force seemed to shudder around them, a wordless inquiry from the other member of their meditation group.

Ahsoka felt a twinge of guilt. She felt like she’d left her Master out… This was a  _ group  _ meditation, after all. 

“Anakin seems to have noticed our absence--shall we?” Her Grandmaster closed his eyes and she felt the Force bend at his will. 

The starry sky began to wash out, growing brighter until it gave way to a pleasant, white light. 

  
  


Ahsoka rose from meditation with reluctance. She could feel the warm, comfortable feeling slowly fade from her mind, an echo of the memory that she’d just witnessed. 

Anakin was the first to move, stretching before giving her a large grin. “Let me guess, Obi-Wan showed you the memory?” 

_ ‘What did I tell you?’  _ Ahsoka heard him speak through their training bond,  _ ‘not so bad, huh?’ _

_ ‘Yep,’  _ she shot back. 

Rolling her eyes, Ahsoka became painfully aware of Master Obi-Wan’s amused expression as he watched them. Anakin narrowed his eyes at the other Jedi before jabbing a finger towards him.

“You  _ still  _ owe me that story, Master.” 

Ahsoka realized that she felt comfortable in their presence now. The Force hummed softly. She felt like a part of their family… 

_ A family…  _ Ahsoka smiled at the thought as she watched the two bickering. 

Master Obi-Wan harrumphed and folded his arms, a comically smug expression flitting across his face. 

“Maybe one day, Anakin.”

Anakin came dangerously close to pouting. “C’mon Master.”

Ahsoka attempted to smother her laughter, made a choking sound, and then promptly made the effort to hide it behind a series of coughs. Anakin wrinkled his nose at her and Obi-Wan grinned. 

After a few more minutes of pure comedy, Ahsoka watched Anakin rise and excuse himself. Only after the door on the ‘fresher slid closed, did she lean towards Obi-Wan. 

It was evil of her to ask now, and she  _ knew  _ it. But maybe, just maybe… 

“Master--what happened?” She looked at her Grandmaster with wide eyes. 

Obi-Wan folded his arms and hummed softly, leaning back as though recalling something. The Force screamed that he was being sarcastic. 

“Well… it’s a bit depressing really, but I guess that I could sum it up by saying that I left the Jedi Order...” 

Ahsoka’s jaw hit the floor. 

_ Wait-wait-wait-- _

_ What? _

  
  
  


_ Fin.  _

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr [here](https://lazarusii.tumblr.com/)  
> All comments, kudos, and critiques are really appreciated :D
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and may the Force be with you!


End file.
